There is Nothing to Fear

I never imagined I would struggle with fear the way I have over the past couple of weeks. I hate that I don't trust God the way I should. This whole situation makes it apparent that my faith isn't anywhere near where it should be and that I place way to much value on this Oh so temporary and dare I say fleeting life. For days now I have been trying to uncover what it is that I am actually afraid of. Am I afraid of living alone because I fear the possibility of a tragedy taking place while I am asleep? Or does my fear resort back to my years of not believing the truth that God is good and that he has my best interest in mind?

I want to say that I believe this truth now- but I feel like if I really believed "that everything-the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual life is covered by His goodness" then while I may not always be "fearless", I would trust Him more than I do the majority of the time.

All I know is...

if I were truly abiding in Christ the way I ought to be, I would have peace.

if my life was genuinely and solely devoted to Him, I would careless what "mortal man could do to me."

if I loved Him the way He Loves me, I would see the righteousness in His life and pursue it in my own.

And if I had REALLY experienced the JOY that He promises, I would desire it more than the temporary "lusts of the flesh."

But even though right now I cannot see past my fearfulness, I know somewhere down deep inside I trust Him. I also know that he promises to lead me, to go before me and make my crooked ways straight and my rough places smooth, and that following Him is SO much better than following a "secure well-known path" that ultimately leads to emptiness.

"And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them by the way: and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by the day and night." Exodus 13:21